Is it really a surprise to anyone that I might have a few feminist tendencies? No? Good. Then what I'm about to say shouldn't be a surprise. My legal name is Sarah Michelle Nasson. No, I have not changed my name. No, I do not intend to. Yes, I have a husband who not only supports this choice but seems to get a bit of pleasure out of telling people that it isn't my "maiden" name, it is my only name. Just one of many reasons I love him. I am so tired of people assuming that my name is "Peterson" just because we're married. There is nothing wrong with the name "Peterson" and this has nothing to do with him or any of his family, I prefer to be my own person and keep the name I've had since birth. I also hate being referred to as "Mrs." Know how I read that? As "mister's." I do NOT EVER want to be defined by my marital status and I don't think anyone ever should be. Furthermore, I am no ones property. Craig is allowed to tease me about that when people call me "Mrs. Peterson" only because he knows how much it bugs me and doesn't take it seriously.
Guess what? LOTS has been written on the topic. Here are a few items of note:
Belgium- women keep their birth name for all legal/official documents and often for private use.
Same is true in Cambodia, China,
Croatian laws give four possibilities: both husband and wife keeping their last names, one taking other spouse's last name, both appending other spouse's last name to their own, and both using one compound last name. (See what our blog is called? We've joked several times about just changing our name to "Nasterson.")
"Persons who keep their own surname after marriage do so for a number of reasons. Objection to the inequality of the tradition is one such reason; others simply prefer their own surname to that of their spouse's family; and some people dislike undergoing the difficulties and expenses required in a legal name change.... or a rejection of the sexist idea of being property of the husband."
In other news, Craig and I went to the temple together tonight. I love going with Craig. The temple reminds me frequently that people are not perfect and we're all trying to do our best with what we know. That being said, I was still rather irked with one of the ordinance workers tonight making a comment about a single sister (College age. My guess is recently returned missionary) who came in to help with sealings. She said she would be back when they would need help with children, left the room and one gentleman started in. He commented on the recent general conference talk where the young single adult men need to get on it and get married. However, what came next bothered me a lot. He said, "in defense of the young men," there are too many women who (shock!!) intimidate the men or are choosing to have careers. Excuse me, but I believe we have not only been told to get an education but to make plans, learn as much as we can and don't sit around waiting for marriage. I have been to so many RS firesides where we had people encouraging us to make career goals and run after them. Oooh, that bugged me. Well, that and the fact that my recommend CLEARLY says "Nasson" and I was called "Peterson" again. By the way, has anyone else noticed that the given birth names of both parents are used in that particular activity?
April 7, 2011
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Sarah - - Unless you can accept that other people are going to say "rude" things about your name, you are going to have a tough life. And your kids will be plagued with questions about their mom. I have a friend who chose to hyphenate her maiden name - husband's name. Her daughter was in my young women's class. It was really frustrating. In this country and church, tradition has it to take your husband's name.
ReplyDeleteDon't take the comment wrongly - - We love you and are glad you married Craig. We appreciate your individuality and all the good things you do.
ReplyDeleteFrustrating to who, mom? To be honest, that particular person was a bit nutso.
ReplyDeleteSarah, I <3 you. You deserve to be as educated as you want, and to pursue all the career goals one could hope for. You are a intelligent, funny, independent person and those who love you know that. There is no reason for you to fit yourself or your life into a box that other people think it should be in. You should be a career woman, a wife, a mother and anything else you dream.
ReplyDeleteI've never been big on doing things just because it's "tradition." Just ask my mom how she feels about that... specifically as it relates to our ward in White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia :)
ReplyDeleteChange isn't always a bad thing!
Hey, no throwing mom under the bus... and there are some traditions I would change in a heartbeat and some I would never change. :-)
ReplyDeleteI don't see a bus running down this road. But seriously, the WSS Christmas party? Seriously? It was a joke, molma...
ReplyDeleteDang it I just wrote this big long thing and it just got deleted! But basically I vote for you all to change your name to Nasterson.
ReplyDeleteMen being intimidated by women? That's just silly. I personally think most men at BYU are pansies. They should be working on being just as educated and successful so that they're aren't intimidated by equally smart and successful women. My mother used to tell me all the time that I wouldn't find anyone because I am too mean and intimidating and somehow I still found Jon. Well I guess he still has 36 days to change his mind. lol
I wish all the people I loved were as honest with themselves. I won't tell anyone here if I agree with your choice or not, because it's inconsequential (If you know me, you know anyway). I do want to say, however, that I feel like we all benefit from fresh perspective and courageous integrity like yours. I'm excited to talk to you sometime about your motives and feelings.
ReplyDeleteGrannypam, I think you have a valid point if you meant to say that a person who makes a choice that doesn't fit into the established system is bound to encounter other people that have difficulty dealing with that choice and also situations that weren't designed to accommodate it. And I think your church and country would be proud of you if what you were trying to say is that if those people or circumstances ever cause a problem for Sarah you've got her back, like you had your friend's back. If on the other hand, you meant to just voice your disapproval and disagreement (and I'm sure you didn't mean to be hurtful, but it came across that way to me) then I think you probably just took it too personally and call me?
By the way, and for the record, without Sarah I'm pretty sure Craig would have ended up single and more than likely gay. You have to admit, we've all wondered about that kid sometimes. BUT, for the record, if Craig were gay, it wouldn't change anything for me, except I probably just wouldn't let him secretly stand over my bed while I'm sleeping anymore. I mean, geez, the dude's heavy breathing, the drooling, the snorts, it's hard to get a good night's sleep with that going on. What I'm trying to say, for the record, in this perfectly appropriate forum, is that I'm not homophobic.
So in summary: I think Sarah is awesome, I think my mom over-reacted, and I'm not homophobic. What else is there to say?
I'm new to commenting... didn't realize they're supposed to be shorter than the post. So sorry.
ReplyDeleteDear Kirk,
ReplyDeleteWe love you!
For the record....I've got your back Sarah.
ReplyDeleteAnd just as a last thought - please don't get irked with the ordinance workers - they are sweet, loving, and volunteers. And they're human, just like we are. We should just be glad they're there or we couldn't be there. Right?
ReplyDeleteNow go have fun!
Oh Sarah... I remember having this coversation with you once. To me, this argument reminds me of the caffeine argument: some drink it, some don't. I personally don't, but I'm not offended if someone else does. I feel like the only people who get butt hurt are the ones who feel deprived, as if no one else should do something that they aren't (or feel they can't). I'm perfectly content with my non-caffeinated ways, and just dandy with my many friends that do partake. In the case of marriage, I'm on your side though. I'm prone to feminism, and sometimes it is a struggle being an LDS woman surrounded by archaic ideas. It's not everyone, but the voices that do seem to frown on female independence (for example, that temple worker). If men want great women, they need to step it up. I get tired of women taking the bulk of the blame for "tempting" men and intimadating them, whatever that means. I'm glad you found a great guy; one who enjoys your zest for life and is supportive of your choices. That is what a spouse is supposed to do, after all.
ReplyDelete