Band Camp & Grandpa Peterson's Funeral

It's been a week! A rather long one. Band camp started at 7:00 last Monday morning and ran through 6:00 Thursday night. It was long, hot, mosquito-y, wet and extremely productive. The band has 2 1/3 of the songs on the field and the guard knows almost all of their choreography. A lot of my time was spent sitting under the canopy feedibg the twins who were with me or adjusting the mosquito netting that was over the pack n play. A couple days there were band moms there who were more than happy to hold and take care of the babies between feedings so I could work. The big girls got to go to Tia's and much preferred their play time and rest time there to being at band.

Monday was a somewhat difficult day. Craig's grandpa Paul Robert (Bob) Peterson died last Thursday morning and his funeral was Monday morning. Grandpa was a ball turret gunner in B24s in WWII. He's shared some incredible stories about his time in the Air Force. The service was lovely. Lots of happy memories were shared, the great grand kids (37 as of the twins birth) who were old enough sang "Families Can Be Together Forever", Craig's dad sang a nice song called "Goin Home" (to the tune of Kyrie), Joyce spoke about her dad, his integrity, leading & teaching by example, the plan of salvation and how many people he touched in his 91 years.

We talked to Sophie & Olivia about great grandpa since they knew and visited them. We chose to talk about it as a happy time and were honest/open. Olivia is still so young she didn't seem to understand much but Sophie grasped much more. She had lots of good questions that made us both have to stop and really think. In the end, we let her decide if she wanted to go to the funeral. She wanted to go with us so we used the hand & glove analogy (body-spirit) and she seemed to "get" it.  At the cemetery, grandpa was honored with a presentation by the American Legion Honor Guard. Flags lined the path, flag folding and presentation to grandma Peterson, 3 shots fired and taps played by two buglers. One of the adult children had requested that the family be able to fill the site by hand rather than with the dump truck. It seemed therapeutic for several of the people involved. I'm so thankful that death isn't permanent and doesn't have to be a final goodbye. The separation is sad but knowing we get to see the people we care about again is one of those comforting things that helps life be easier to live.

A New List

In the last couple weeks, I've been trying to get into a routine that fits my personality and gets the "daily musts" done. I have a list of 9 things (empty trash in bathrooms & diaper can, collect & run a load of laundry, school time, read a book with girls, exercise for at least 5 minutes, baby activity time,   wash the baby dishes, run & empty the dishwasher, spend some quiet time reading scriptures or the ensign) but during my early morning baby feedibg, I read an article in the ensign about the importance of journaling. So, another item is now added to my list!


I love having my list and get a lot of satisfaction out of accomplishing the things on my list every day. I'm able to get almost everything done by the time the big girls are done with breakfast, too, which then gives me the sense of freedom my anxiety-girl self needs to enjoy the day. That 10th item that was added this morning as a result of my private reading time- journaling- sort of stressed me out a bit. With the time demands with caring for twin newborns, 2 & 3 year old big girls, I kind of felt trapped. I rarely even pull out my laptop anymore unless I'm doing a specific project or paying bills. I do, however, seem to spend a good chunk of time on my phone keeping in contact with friends who've moved or work long hours, reading articles, sending emails for work etc. while I'm feeding the babies. A comment by elder Uchtdorf regarding the good in technology gave me an "ah ha!" moment and a clear idea of a way for me to be able to keep my own version of a journal without having to change my habits: use one feeding time a day to type a few lines- using my accessible phone!- in my "journal." I'm glad I got going on my list and read that this morning, early as it was, and got that little prompting/nudge and a way to follow through without having to "run faster."

The End is in Sight!

We're just a week away from the absolute pregnancy finish line and I have felt the need to write down what I remember from this pregnancy.

October (weeks 6-9):

• We're most assuredly expecting! I knew pretty early that I was pregnant- before the tests were accurate. I felt a little sicker, more tired and generally more blah. 
• Because Miss Olivia was a spontaneous preterm baby, we had been told to get in as soon as possible after finding out we were expecting again because I would likely need to start progesterone shots to keep the preterm labor things away. I tried! 

November (weeks 10-14):

• Found out at our first appointment we're having twins! Craig spotted two little heads as soon as Dr. Cloward put the ultrasound sensor on my stomach. I told him he was nuts, but nope! He cried, I laughed. I think that was an appropriate set of responses :) 
• Visited grandma & grandpa Nasson in Tacoma
• Monochorionic-diamnionic twins established. (Identical twins from one egg, sharing a placenta). By the way, identical twins-which come from the same egg- have to be the same sex. We've been asked a couple times... just think about it. 
• Our insurance will not cover progesterone shots for twins because it's "not proven" with twins, just singletons. Thanks a lot! 
• US technician suspected girls...

December (weeks 15-18):

• Started seeing the perinatologists at UVRMC every other week for US growth scans
• Learned all about the differences between the various varieties of twins, risks such as TTTS and so much more
• Found out we're having identical girls!
• Picked a different insurance plan...

January (weeks 16-19):

• Continued seeing the peri's and Dr. Cloward frequently. Lots of US visits!
• Gender confirmed again
• Heart spots/calcifications (echogentic foci) spotted on the babies hearts. This is a "soft marker" for down syndrome. Naturally, I went a little nuts inside. Everything else looking good on the scans, including size and fluid levels. 

February (weeks 20-23):

• Heart foci still there but babies both growing well and looking good! We were strongly encouraged to the the quad screening for birth defects as twins carry a higher risk and we had the soft marker. Our results came back negative and very low. Helped me calm down a tiny bit. 
• No signs of Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS)! With mono-di twins, there is a risk of one twin getting a greater share of the nutrients, oxygen and blood supply. Essentially, this turns one twin into a "donor" and one into a "recipient." There are not a lot of options available for treating TTTS and the options available don't have the greatest chance of both twins surviving. 

March (weeks 24-28):

• We hit our high deductible early this month! Glad we changed our plan ;) 
• More importantly, we hit the "threshold of viability" this month! Goal 1: check! 
• Preterm Labor (PTL) issues started. Contractions, pelvic pressure... Very similar to Olivia. 
• Discussed cutting hours at work, staying down more and hiring someone to do some cleaning in the house. 

April (weeks 29-32):

• Hit goal #2- 29 weeks! Twins who make it to 29 weeks gestation have a 70%+ chance of survival!
• After some debating, adjusted activity levels at home and work and the recommendation of Dr. Cloward, I finished teaching for the year the Friday before spring break. I love my job but the PTL and threat of super early babies made the choice for me. 
• Hit goal #3- 32 weeks! Risk of long-term issues even smaller and survival rate is extremely good.
• "Regular" visits to Labor & Delivery started. UTIs turing into kidney infections requiring antibiotic shots, extreme gastroenteritis requiring IV rehydration, many rounds of terbutaline to try to stop the contractions, Fetal Fibronectin tests (fFn- I'm not going into details here but they are MOST unpleasant swabs of the cervix to check the likelihood of delivering within 14 days of the test) and a couple rounds of steroid injections to help the babies lungs develop since the contractions didn't stop. Dilation started, though. 
• We've passed the "safe" point for TTTS!! At this point, if the babies started showing signs of TTTS or IUGR (inter-uterine growth restriction), they would be very closely monitored and then born if things got scary. 
• We started getting twice-weekly Non-Stress Tests (NSTs) at Maternal-Fetal Medicine and are only in for a growth scan once a month and a fluid and general quick scan once a month. Things are starting to get real in here! 

May (weeks 33-37):

• Spent a LOT of time at the hospital in Labor and Delivery. 5 or 6 times as of the 25th when I'm typing this. 
• As soon as we hit 34 weeks, all attempts to stop labor have ceased. No more terbutaline, no fFn tests... we're just allowed to let things do their thing now. 
• For the last two weeks, I've been dilated to a 4+ and 80% effaced. 
• Sleep in long stretches has become scarce. Between needing to go potty several times a night, contractions and general discomfort (and the occasional excruciating shooting pain), no one is really surprised by the lack of sleep. 
• Because of the progress that had been made, mom decided to come for a week. We REALLY thought the babies would come during her short trip. Nope. We did get a LOT of projects done and are pretty darn ready for the babies to come now but, of course, this means she won't have been here for ANY of our 4 babies births. There was still some question about her actually being able to BE in the room when they were born. Twins are born in the L&D OR because of risk of complications and need for an emergency C-Section. Officially, only husbands are allowed in but sometimes a second person can be there, too. 
• I've been admitted once already (May 17th-May 18th) because of regular, active and strong contractions- between 1 and 2 minutes apart. They stopped in the middle of the night so we were sent home the next morning since I was only 35 weeks. I do wonder if now at 36 + we'd go ahead and help things along a bit if my Dr. was on-call.
• I've been concerned about the size/weight of the babies since the beginning. They've been on their own growth curve and been consistent but small babies are scary. Until this week, our babies were, at their biggest, 4 pounds, 1 ounce and 3 pounds, 11 ounces. This week (35 weeks), they were measuring 5 pounds, 3 ounces and 5 pounds 7 ounces. Baby A was head down still and engaged (-1, where she's been for a while) and baby B had decided to turn herself transverse.
• We had a regular OB visit the same day and Dr. Cloward was awesome, as usual, but was then very clear that even if A was head down, some of the partners in the practice might not be okay with a vaginal birth and a c-section would be possible.  I understand not wanting to ask someone to do something they're not comfortable or experienced with (turning a second twin) so I'm just keeping my fingers crossed she's on call or we make it to our induction on the 2nd. 
• I had an NST a few days later where the nurse saw baby B had turned head down again. Thank goodness! 
• We have an induction date set! June 2nd. I will be 37 weeks and 2 days, unless, of course, the babies decide to come sooner on their own. :) 

Oh, my...

It has been four months since I have posted ANYTHING on our blog. I've been going the quick route and doing more updates, pictures and whatnot on Facebook. Not the best choice seeing as I want to be able to print out our year in book form from the blog. Oops. My goal for this week is to catch up, as much as possible, on the last four months and then go back and talk about other things that happened.

My to-write-about list includes:

-Our trip to Washington to see my grandparents at Thanksgiving
-Christmas
-Selling our house/moving
-Living with Grandpa Merrill for a month
-Moving into our new house
-A tour of our new house
-The 6th grade play
-Winter guard
-New band stuffs
-ALL of the adventures of our girls (this will be a loooooong one with tons of pictures)
-Lots of house projects
-Teaching music classes, swimming, early summer fun...
-Olivia's 1st birthday
-Fathers day

Let's get to it!

Olivia is 8 Months!

Demolishing a biscuit

Olivia- someday you'll probably read through the posts (in book form, of course) of your big sister's first year and then wonder why you haven't gotten a post-a-month, too. Well, the answer is simple: Sophie didn't have a big sister to play with and we have spent LOTS of time since you joined us playing with sissy, mommy, daddy, cousins, grandma's, grandpa's and so many friends who love you. You've also gone on trips (Seattle to meet your great grandma and grandpa Nasson), tried "exotic" foods and so much more. We have lots of pictures and videos (many more videos than we did of your big sister) that we're hoping to have stories written with but mommy and daddy are human and can't do everything. And honestly, we would much rather spend our time WITH you. We love you and your big sissy, Sophie, lots and lots!

...

 Daddy has written some things about you for this month: 

Livi loves helping with
laundry- especially when
it's clean and warm!

So Olivia just turned 8 months old yesterday, and she is getting some attitude. Just about anything you put in front of her will go straight into her mouth, which is both good and bad. The good news is that she is putting on weight really well. Her and big sister have been sharing diapers for some time now, but Livie is really starting to chunk up to fill them. She loves pretty much any food we put in her mouth, but she particularly enjoys shredding Mommy's biscuits, or really anything else she can make a big mess of. She is a really good sitter, and is usually content to just sit and play. She loves her exer-saucer and her big sister. Daddy loves to come home and see her big smile all of the time. She is a pretty easy-going baby, and never cries for very long, unless you put her down. But why would you ever want to?

Sissy (sister) playtime

She is finally sleeping (almost) all the way through the night, and always wakes up happy. When you go into her room and she sees you, she gets the biggest smile you've ever seen and kicks her feet so hard her whole crib shakes. She went on her first train ride with Mommy and Daddy and Sophie this month. We all went on the new FrontRunner line from Provo to Lehi and back. Olivia seemed to enjoy it, but big sister got a bit scared.

Nap time is really Sesame Street

 play time

Olivia enjoys playing with Sophie- especially during what is suppose to be nap time. Sometimes Sophie still doesn't understand how to share but she is generally very good about making sure Olivia has some toy or another in her hand. Recently, Sophie has taken to sneaking out of her room during nap time and climbing in Olivia's crib with her. We hear "cah-boo!" (peek-a-boo), giggles, laughs and very recently, Sophie has started singing "oooo, snuggle wivvy of mine, *gibberish* fine! I wuv yoooou!" Which Olivia just eats up.

They love double carts!

Home Depot is especially fun
with your sister and a crazy
daddy driver!

Okay. It finally happened.

I'm having myself a mini meltdown tonight. Why? All of the stress of, well, EVERYTHING has smacked me upside the head. Thanks for that, life. I really appreciate you doing that NOW.

Current stresses:

• Dealing with the lovely little pinworm party in our house. So. Much. Bleach. I wonder if my hands, nose or our clothing will ever be the same. : /
• Surprise! We are selling our house and moving (within the neighborhood). With selling comes house showings. Which require homes to be model homes, not lived-in homes. Think it's stressful trying to keep your house "clean enough" for unexpected visitors with two wee ones? Try keeping it beyond perfect. While working. Actually, I like all of you so don't do that. 
• I'm working. This in and of itself is not stressful since it is keeping me sane and unmedicated. But, for some reason, people still seem to think that if the mom parent is working, she is still responsible for all of the things she might do if she was an at home mom. There are simply not enough middle fingers to express my frustration with this whole concept. I cannot make everything from scratch, have perfectly manicured nails, gorgeous hair, a perfect body, spend 18 hours a day with my girls, have an amazing dinner on the table every single night of the week when Craig gets home (I'm also having a "why should I be expected to do that?" moment with this one), an immaculate house, perfectly dressed, clean, happy, kids and always be working on the next item on the Pinterest list of "1,534 ways to serve your husband" and on and on. 
• Color guard is at the beginning of the season. I LOVE guard. It's a big part of me and I absolutely adore the people I work with at Spanish Fork and Springville this season. As much as I love it, there are things that are just stressful at this point in the season. Our first competition is Saturday. We don't have all of the silks we need for our flags. Our big props aren't done yet. We don't even know exactly how we're getting to this show (fingers crossed we find out tomorrow morning.) 
• 6th grade show. I need to find a pianist. And figure out what I want to delegate to the classroom teachers and what I need to do myself. I will not be a control freak. I will not be a control freak...
• I have depression and anxiety. Notice I said that *I* have it. It does NOT have me. Most of the time. Working- having structure and people counting on me to be somewhere- has been huge. The depression isn't nearly as bad as it was months ago. The anxiety is a bit better but it isn't great. For people who have never been there, it can be a nasty cycle. I need my car to get places but driving causes panic attacks. I like to talk to people on the phone when I'm driving for this reason. If no one answers, I talk to myself out loud. Yup, I'm one of those people you see at stop lights talking. 

Okay. Writing has helped some. I still want to have a good cry and have been pushing it away all day. Maybe a warm shower will help. 

We're still here!

Just a quick note to say we're all still alive! Sometime soon there will be month posts for both of the girls (one who will be 2 this weekend and the other who will be 6 months Monday.) We've been very busy lately with life, fun times together, work, traveling and more fun. Hopefully I'll get a bunch of pictures posted soon of Thanksgiving with my grandparents in Washington, things from school, LOTS of the antics of my girls, house stuffs, more life stuffs...

In the meantime, if you're in need of a good dose of Sophie and Olivia, check out my youtube channel- we have been good recently about uploading our videos of them. :)

Here's a link to Sophie on Halloween. From there, you can see all of our videos. Enjoy :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3oGVjMWqJI&feature=plcp