Have you ever had a series of really lousy days at home and thought you've made a huge mistake? The mistake of becoming a parent, that is. Apparently more people than are willing to admit it publicly have- just ask around. That's how I'm feeling right now. I hate cleaning. I hate being pooped on. Spit up on. Bit (that's a new one for Sophie- thanks, cats.) Cleaning up messes of all kinds. Being treated like a lesser person by people because I'm not "contributing to society" by working at least a true part-time job and then at the same time being treated by the others like a selfish brat because I teach guard 5 hours a week and have substituted once and plan to continue to do so. I hate crying babies. I'm also apparently "not mom enough" because I can't exclusively breast feed. Yes, CAN'T. I appreciate the kind advice I've received but oatmeal hasn't worked, I'm properly hydrated, the rose tea is gross and on and on. I'm so close to being done- as soon as she is on solids, I quit. I'm tired of nursing and then strapping myself to a pump another 10 times a day so I can get enough to almost be enough. And then have it spit up on me. I'm not a cow and I'm sure as hell not a cow who wants to work hard making milk to have it wasted.
So, once again, I'd like to tell the world to buzz off and have a nice evening.
I love you. You're not selfish.
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking today how much work it is to be a mom! And if we're not "contributing to society" how exactly do people think society is made?? Someone raised them! We are contributing to society, it's just that no one is giving us a pay check with all sorts of deductions taken out.
And I wasn't able to nurse either. Couldn't do it. I only produced a little and it wasn't worth it to feed him and then supplement and then pump a bazillion times a day. I just couldn't do it. It made more sense to do formula.
You're doing your best and that's enough. No one could ask you to do more than your best. And screw anyone who tries to.
You are wonderful. The world is totally welcome to BUZZ OFF. and let you do whatever you wanna do. I hate that feeling too - feeling like I'm not "contributing" enough and at the same time not spending enough time with James/Cam because I work part-time. You are great. You are wonderful. You are desperately needed to "contribute" to my interior design. ;) Come visit us and let off some steam!
ReplyDeleteI nursed Em for three months, while also feeding her a bottle after I nursed EVERY TIME because I don't produce nearly enough milk. I nursed Zac for three weeks because I couldn't deal with the stress of nursing and pumping, the guilt of not making enough, and massive amounts of post-partum (example: I had a breakdown because my son peed on himself three times while I was changing his diaper. A rocking-on-the-floor-sobbing breakdown because my two-week-old SON peed on himself. Yup, I was on the edge.). Your babies came to YOU, my friend. YOU, and no one else, is suppose to be their mother. What works for you won't work for someone else, but it will work for your babies . . . and THAT is what matters. Love ya!
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