I woke up this morning with a familiar and distant pain. Something I haven't really felt quite this intensely in a while and it is making me do a lot of thinking. I learned in high school that not a whole lot of people really believe when others say they're in pain that they might actually be despite a lack of an obvious outward, physical cause. Broken bones, illnesses that result in very physical reactions, surgeries, diabetics who take insulin injections etc. receive the expected sympathies, care and support they need. What about the rest of the people? As mentioned before, I learned pretty quickly in 10th grade that unless you have a cast or some other outward showing, few people will believe you when you say you're in pain.

On my 16th birthday, at my birthday party, I broke my wrist. (It was a pretty rockin' party, though!) I had never broken a bone before and didn't know what it was 'supposed' to feel like. It was very painful, tingly and had the added bonus of shooting/stabbing pain that didn't go away when the bone had healed. In fact, it started spreading from my left hand to my wrist, up to my elbow and eventually to my shoulder. On some days, I would even feel the pain in my right wrist or an ankle or knee.  I was diagnosed with something called RSD or Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. (It's more frequently called CRPD now- Complex Regional Pain Disorder.) It didn't seem to matter what we did, the pain was there and it was an incredibly scary thing to experience. Worst part of it all- no, not the painful nerve blocks, MRI, missing school, going to physical therapy or not being able to do guard- people telling me I was 'fake,' 'making it up for attention,' or any number of other things I heard. Even my French teacher told me once in front of the whole class that it was all in my head and nothing was wrong with me. I spent a lot of that class period in the nurses office the last couple weeks of that semester.

When I came to BYU, gradually, the pain seemed to calm and wasn't nearly as bad as it had been in high school. However, it was still there. One doctor here just kept telling me I had fibromyalgia (chronic wide-spread pain). Since for some reason that is more socially acceptable than unexplainable pseudo nerve damage pain, that's what I call it now around people who don't understand or care to. There still isn't a whole lot known about RSD other than it is triggered by a trauma to the body, there is no cure and there really aren't a whole lot of pain management options that don't involve narcotics or the dreaded nerve blocks which put me on the couch for days. I have found that massage helps more than any of the above but of course, insurance doesn't cover 'alternative medicine.'

When I woke up this morning, it was felt in my left wrist and a couple other places on the left side of my body. I'm not looking for sympathy or whatever here, I just feel like "talking" about it helps me and perhaps might help you be a little more sensitive to others. I keep being reminded that we never really know the whole story with other people. In case you ever come across someone who tells you they're in pain, have nerve damage or whatever, just listen and try your best not to judge.