Time for a step back

Have you ever allowed yourself to become too busy, too wrapped up in your own issues or simply too whelmed by the everyday + tasks that you find yourself becoming a complete blob? Not just any blob but one that has a hard time finding a reason to get out of bed in the morning, can go from being somewhat OCD about cleanliness to being the messy roommate. I seem to have hit that point recently.

At this point I could go on about all of the things that have been eating away at me or the demands that have been placed upon my shoulders, the added responsibilities that seem to grow larger and harder to carry each day,  being shocked by someone you have looked up to for years or worse, finding out that life really isn't easy and it most certainly isn't fair but then I would just be sitting at my keyboard crying. And that doesn't help anyone.

I'll try to be brief. I dropped Craig off at work this morning and drove back to campus to wait for the next item on my agenda. Sometimes I feel more like it is controlling me than I it.  I had been sitting in the warm car listening to quiet music while being illegally parked in the JKB parking lot eating too many thin mints that likely won't stay down when I realized how wrong I have been handling things. Anyone can sit in a warm car eating slightly melty thin mints but not everyone can put them down and get out of the car. As pathetic as it may sound, that seemed like a completely unreachable goal today. I have already ruined the day, right? I was grumpy at the love of my life this morning, kicked the cat who was just trying to get some lovin',  made our oatmeal with about a 1/2 cup too much water, missed most of my last 8:00 class, only half-heartedly did my literature assignment and had eaten almost an entire container of thin mints. But I put the few remaining cookies down, turned off the quiet background noise of the radio and got out of the car. I made it almost to the flag pole in front of the ASB when I heard a pretty little bird sitting in a tree chirping away. My first thought was "See!! Birds really do sound repetitive! It's not just my sound effect!" Once I got past that, I stopped and looked around. There are some pretty patterns in the stonework. The grass is starting to turn green and gosh darn it, I liked that looping bird.

I hate cliches. Perhaps it's true, though. When you are so focused on getting everything around you perfect, you really can't see what is already there. Tender mercy. That's what my little moment was.